The Reality Part Of Me

Hey everyone, so I've decided to start over on a new blog. My last one was more about having an adopted little sister. This blog is about me and my life. So from the website address...it means the reality of my life, the parts of my life that I don't show of the outside. In a way this is kinda like my journal. I've had a tough year for seventh grade and this is another way for me to vent, or let out my emotions. I get confused and lost all the time. I can struggle with my faith from time to time. There's a lot I wanna do with my life but sometimes I'm just stuck and have to get through the the mud before I can walk again. Most everyone already knows about my life and honestly I'm too lazy to go through 13 years again. So Ill hit some main points and go from there. I don't remember everything that's gone on in my life. I remember the birthday parties and family gatherings but I mostly just remember what's been going on in my life this year. But some characteristics of me would be a very mixed unique person. I'm boy crazy. It's not something I'm proud of but its true. I am overly semsitive and I take things too seriously. I also am dramatic. Like most girls, I want a boyfriend. I want a boy to tell me how beautiful I am and how much I mean to him. I want to feel loved by a boy basically and again that's not something I'm proud of, I always end up getting hurt when I fall for a guy. But in the end of every heartbreak I learn from my mistakes. I can be very sweet and caring and kind but I can also be very rude and mean. I've got a lot of mixed emotions and characteristics. So many that they even confuse me. I don't understand why I feel certain things and honestly I sometimes I wish I didn't care about anyone or anything because it saves me from pain and hurt. Then on some days I realize how dumb and dramatic I'm being and I'll snap out of my mood. Every few weeks something bad happens and I get in this sort of depressed stage I guess where I'm very dramatic and anti social. I can be very confident one day and the next day not be able to even look at my self in the mirror. I'm a 13 year old girl so I like clothes, boys and makeup. That is literally what makes up me. Here's my point of view, I wish I didn't care if a boy didn't like me back or if someone was talking about me behind my back. I wish I didn't care at all. I think maybe if I try really hard I can accomplish this. But that means I have to put up a wall between my heart and my mind. My mind tells me that that boy is stupid and he's missing out if he doesn't like me or want to date me. My heart tells me there's something wrong with me and I need to change myself and try to win this boy back. Sometimes my heart overpowers my mind and I end up throwing myself at a guy who isn't even worth it. It's hard to let my mind take over and win because if my mind takes over it means I don't need to ask that boy why he doesn't like me or why he isn't into me like I'm into him. I would defiantly prefer my mind to win and have it easy. So that I don't have to work for my mind to win, if that makes any sense. And I'm a girl and guys think that girls don't understand or that all they want is a boyfriend. Well that may be true for some girls. But news flash! I don't understand the female brain anymore than a guy does. I don't know why we get so moody when we're on our period and I don't know why we feel like we have to have a guy to complete us. Trust me if I knew I would explain, but sadly I don't. So if your reading this blog thinking I'm gonna have all the answers to a girls life and that I'll explain how we work you might wanna stop reading now, because even though you might learn something new about girls you won't learn anything different than what every other guy on this earth knows.